I just love that quote, more and more. Anyways..
Quite recently I’ve seemed to have caught myself in this spiral, whether it’s upward or downward or even a diagonal one is another question. Just lost focus of what I already have in front of me. I guess there has been a little bit of inner conflict or just me putting it off working on this little corner of mine on the internet.
Or maybe it’s just the fact that I feel terribly overwhelmed with all the different things I have to do..so overwhelmed that I end up doing nada? I feel like my productivity flew out of the window along with my attention. Or have I just gotten lazy as it’s almost a year that I packed up the structured life I had in China.
The other thing is that I had originally started this blog as a space that my friends could all keep up with my personal transformation. Does that sound egotistical or what? Let me rephrase, this space is for me to put out my thoughts as a journal because of the grand step I took. Something I think all of us crave to do but have so much fear to cross into the other side.
I have SO much to share with all of you but I just can’t seem to get it out. I get bogged down with other things, after all I didn’t just convert to live a life of travel. I’m not completely a jet-setter (YET!) The savings that I have cannot be fully depleted, I don’t want to reach the point of desperation. Instead I’ve had to redirect and embrace a different side to life. The unconventional side that is being braved by many other unique characters that I met here in Chiang Mai. I needed to work as I have taken the decision a few months back that I wanted to be a digital nomad.
A question that came up while I did Fast Track quite recently was..
Are you mean to yourself?
Mean as in, do you put other things ahead of yourself?
An example would be sometimes you would check your own work email and send out the things that need to be done but when answering your personal emails from friends you just ‘can’t be bothered’?
Would you put much more efforts in helping out someone with a project but not the same effort in yourself?
Even if you are not feeling well one day are you willing to put it aside and help out someone else that needs a little pick-me-up?
It’s not a bad thing but what I have seen from myself is that I’ve lost the ‘healthy’ measure of it. Compassion is key. I know myself that I am very compassionate and willing to give my time, attention, care and council to whoever I deem important to me but I will not give myself that same treatment? Is it a case that I would not find myself worthy of it? Maybe..
I get moments where I’m just so utterly excited to write or come up with an idea of what I want to share with all of you but then when I sit all day in front of my laptop doing other tasks I..can’t. It’s a combination of two things, I just feel like I should be refreshed and put out the BEST content I can come up with for other to feel inspired or to simply relate. The other thing is the excitement that stirred my spirit just goes on a disappearing act.
So what’s the solution? Well, if you are like me, aware of it – change it!
I have yet to crack the formula but the last month I have been finding tiny insights to how to beat the “meanness” out of yourself. Be persistent with yourself. Accept your limitations or what hinders you but keep to it, find ways to go around it. I am so unfocused with so many different things to do or what to do or even ideas and projects proposed to me that it’s easy to lose yourself in this spiral.
- Take a deep breath.
List out all the different things, obviously you won’t be able to resolve it all at once but divide it into parts, give it all equal energy. A mental schedule of how you will dedicate each aspect with the same attention, not more or less. Otherwise I find it that you can lose your interest or even focus. Having this in mind you will learn that your brain is trying to readapt to all these changes..it takes time for it to want to catch up! We grow up with these invisible routines stuck in ourselves from society, family, friends, media and social media.
I am writing today because I am resolute that something needed to come out, be expressed even though I have other things that I should be doing but shouldn’t I be working on myself? You cannot lose sight of the major reason for turning your life upside down. It’s easy to with all the material pressures..bills to pay and what not. But still, dedicate time to it and you will feel rewarded for it. Even as I write thing I’m feeling so damn proud of myself!
“I wish you way more than luck. I wish you peace beyond all understanding. Peace of I” – Ho’oponopono